It’s funny how life can radically change from one day to the next. Seven days ago I signed the catering contract for the reception and I was bursting with new ideas for the dress, which I started working on feverishly.
And then three days ago I was on the phone with my fiance explaining how he was not ready to get married and that our relationship was over. Just like that, the future that I thought was so close and felt so tangible vanished. My life drops off into an empty void in three months.
I always thought that if I called off a wedding I would have to burn everything and make it all end in overly dramatic style. Now living it I realize that’s not the case. I hurt more than I ever have before, I have been betrayed, but I am not angry or vindictive. The dress will live on, though just not right now. If I ever do marry I can honestly see myself wearing it. I feel as though it is such a part of me that it hasn’t been touched by this like a normal dress, bought already made and impersonally altered, would be. This dress was always my passion and my dream anyway. Though he never saw it, I know for a fact my fiance wouldn’t like the dress. It’s why I had bought a separate reception dress.
So this dress will live on.
But I can’t work on it for a bit. I need to work on me instead. On healing and moving forward and seeing who I am when I’m not someone else’s. This blog will be dead for a while – maybe forever. But hopefully not. Hopefully some day I will once again pick up my needle and thread and finish individually hand tying these beads onto the sleeves.
And then maybe I’ll also tell you about my plans for a scalloped waist and a lace front.
All in good time.
Thank you for making this journey with me.